Post-Soviet Mother Ukraine and Her Children

Salute from the Post-Soviet Mother Land!

Today she is dressed in lilac and ,as always, faithful to her children. Keeping strict Visa restrictions on all who would try to harm them with new ideas, products or foreign faces. She is a good mother- always nourishing  her own with produce from the most fertile of the earth’s soils,  orthodoxy, cheap beer, salo, varenechki, 20c public transport and 24/7 parting.

Her children are strong, lean and hard working. They walk in lines, which is hard to maintain so pushing each other up the escalator, on the bus, in the market, on the street is important  Her children are strict, keeping smiles away from others, for smiling at a stranger can indicate that you either robed them or are planning murder.

Her children are busy- small talk and niceties are for the free. Here people have buses to catch!

Her children don’t take any bullshit! Don’t you dare demand for more service at the shop then the keeper feels like she can give you that day. After all, why the hell do you need good service or nice staff!? The sausages are still gna taste the same!

Yet they are beautiful children, while much of the beauty is repressed deep inside or hidden in the villages and western parts of the country, attractive faces and potential loyal companions are everywhere. I love sitting in a Metro watching Ukrainian models, blue wide eyes cutsy kids with massive bows in their hair, respectable looking old guys with heaps of medals, guys drinking beer and swearing at each other, good vibe babushkas and attractive faces of all kind. Something about the skin of Ukrainians- it’s good skin man!

If you manage to make friends here or find relatives you will get fat! Once in the trust circle of a Ukrainian, food, drink, fun and honesties are inevitable. Generosity of the people here is huge and don’t you even try not to eat all they give or make up a food allergy! You must also open your heart to tell Ukrainian friends very personal stuff. Remember KGB originated here. People know when you are lieing or not saying something. The expectation is total trust! Once friends, expect loyalty, generosity and support. The people have strong fundamentals and values.  You will be looked after! (Thank God for Ukrainian family and friends. Hallelujah!)

DO:

Buy cheap first or second hand clothes and electronics

Eat amazing fruits and veges. pastries and chocolates

Try Lviv beers

Go out lots

Take your face to historical USSR sites and monuments

Smell amazing spring flowers

DO NOT:

Challenge Orthadox Priest or Church Workers

Expect someone not to be rude

Smile at people all the time (you may get arrested or beaten or something)

Play small talk

Overall, it’s really a place like no other! It is beautiful in it’s natural sites and rich in it’s socio-political history. So what people are not keen for new ideas! Slavs are amazing managers, hard workers, generous people and are awesome to look at.

As for me, I am a ‘roots’ traveler. Currently in-tangled in family dramas: ex-KGB uncles, love affairs, truths about divorces, family break ups caused by businesses and properties etc etc etc How did I manage to stay out of all this for 13 years!? I am glad I did.

I will now go and pack my bags for sunny Black Sea of Odessa. Think about how awesome your life is tonight.

Love

Mash

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How to Live in Melbourne

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Melbourne is a a fun place to live in and visit. There is tones of creative opportunities and interesting man made spaces to get inspiration from! BUT if you aint making that AUSD, you can quickly fall into an anxiety in this commercially driven place.

Here is how you can live in this city and enjoy every good thing for less then $2 a day

1, Accommodation

Stay with your friends and make sure you cook them dinner (dumpster diving is a good shopping option) and do their washing.

Make Abbotsford Convent your home! Perhaps literally. I met a very nice smelling girl there who lived in the beautiful bushes of this once-used to be convent for a week. Lots of  regular in-dignified freegans and alt-livestyle kids hang out there all day. They’ll tell you about cozy places to squat in through out the city.

Squatting– plenty of communities in the city and more urban environments if you need a break.

2. Dinning 

Lentil as Anything are ‘pay as you value’ vegan restaurants in Abbotsford  and Footscray. open day and eve, the organisations relys on generosity of the community to keep going and employs marginalized groups as volunteers to give them work experience. Make sure to pay these guys a few thousand when you become rich and successful from your cutting edge creative endeavours.

$1 Coffee at 7/11  and 30c McD’s Soft cone. I am a lactard (lactose retard) so it’s harder to re-train my body to be cheap, but in anyway, milk has protein, sugar is crazy good for energy and caffeine is an appetite suppressant.

Dumpster Dive! i know 2 people that even found CASH in the bins! In this society of access, you’ll find many goodies.

Sushi Rolls are only $2.50 if you feel classy or really need the extra nutrients

3.Wine Tasting

ALDI  Suppermarkets has a great selection of wine for $2.50 a bottle.

Gallery Openings are happening almost every day, so get in on it (Look up whats on at: http://www.thethousands.com.au!

=Drink in Parks and Parties then go to establishments. Do not be deceived by $5 ciders and beers in bars…you’ll need like 10 to feel the freedom.

4. People and Spaces

-Gumtree Website has tones of people offering ride-shares around the counrty. You can get up to Adelaide for $25 bux.

-There is lots on and plenty of swell people to meet. Check out bars around Fitzroy and Northcote for free gigs and gatherings.

5. Getting Around

-Get a Bike!

-get a Bike!

-ok, get the free tram…but get a bike!!!

Town has amazing infrastructure and trams and trains can take you anywhere very quickly..BUT…even tho they appear ‘free’ the controlers do come on! More on trains then trams. i saw a woman get fined $250 at 7am on an otter cbd train line. thats shit sucks. BIKE LANES ARE EVERYWHERE! use them!

6. Jobs

Art Sales for Smart Arts is the craziest thing I’ve ever done…you sell art, price it as you please and get commission.

Discovery Hotel will get you a job for next day if you go in and sign up

TFN and RSL are required for almost all jobs. you need your RSL for all hospo jobs. you can worrk TFN free for up to 28 days

Go busking! This city loves buskers. lots of competition, but you can make quick money.

Things to watch out for:

-Congregations do not generally dance at gigs and people will assume you are a professional dancer if you deviate.

– When you ask someone where a certain street is, they may not know and leave the convorsation very quickly.

-There are two of all streets

-Streets ARE LONG!!!!!

PS. Your health is the most important thingy! So…do not share drinks, bite food or smoke ciggies with anyone who has the disease vibes, even intuitively. Some people look clean, but still have the decease vibe. LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION!! 

it’s better to be a nice in-dignified cheepy and give up your ciggy to someone, then ‘give a puff’ to the wrong guy. 

Also, you must try stay clean! teeth, hands and clothes. People judge us creative lifestyle people, so we must be of the most presentable behaviorism and appearance.

Ok,

Have to go do something cheap and clean.

Enjoy Life and Melbourne is Cool

Vibrating in Adelaide

Marika a is gone to de-stress via visiting some sloths at z zoo. She is in the warmth of Mama Pratley who has generously argued her way into getting us a $10 breakfast deal in a Gr33k Ka%e. The deal finished before we got there. She re-started it again. Thanks Mama Pratley.

I chose to take my body to a cultural date across this beautifully yellow and orange vintage city. Stumbling across the  Turner Gallery I was once again grateful for my supper talent of turning invisible as soon as I get to anything where there is a cost involved.(YUS! $25 fee never left in ma pocky).

So very inspired by the organization of the space as I watched contemporary works displayed side by side with classical pieces. ‘Modern Love’ exhibition was signified by both- media screens and 2X3m oils.

Couldn’t help but react physically to some of the pieces. i guess it seemed like I understood ‘stuff’ so hosts and visitors felt to ask the meaning of two works. I explained them in a foreign accent and said they need to sit and watch and think and they’ll know just like i know. I don’t really know. Smile here.

Research

AES+F- Russian Collective. Mainly Digital Work. Has theatricality and narrative, with subtle political themes. Eastern kids know how to do that a lot.

Berlinde De Bruyckere – challenging the expectations of beauty in creative disciplines for both practitioners and observers. 

GOOD REPRESENTATION OF ADELAIDE: